Official Transcription

Royal Court of The Chancel
2004 Coronation Ceremony for Queen Jo Ann Descher
Royal Plaza of the Halls Estate
Town and Country, Missouri
June 18, 2004


Herald Walks Out, Steps to the Microphone and States Regally:
Here Yea! Here Yea!
The Royal Court of The Chancel Choir is now in session.
Herald Now Plays: Processional Fanfare

Chief Justice:
Pay yea heed to the court!
Halt yea gossip!
Stop yea laughter!
Face to the front!

On this day, the nineteenth day of June in the year of our Lord 2004, annae dominae,
and the year of our Kevin, eight:
This court is called to annual session, uno annae, in solemn commemoration and for the performance of the official and annual right of service of the defrocking and succession of Her Majesty, the Queen of the Chancel Choir.

Be yea advised, that due to pressing concerns for security, this court has been assigned agents of the dreaded Royal Music Police. These agents will serve as Bailiffs for these proceedings.

The peasants here assembled are warned. These agents are skilled in the application of the Fermata. They hold black belts in Counterpoint.

For those new to the choir. You may ask: Who is the Chief Justice and why do we have this court?

This court is empowered by a higher authority and serves as a judicial review for Chanceldom and its peasant singers.

It functions to bring order to a group where often no order exists.

It functions to arbitrate disputes among its several leaders and assumed leaders.

It dispenses justice when no one else is willing.

And, as today witnessed, it serves as a formal body for the conference of special honors, oaths and distinctions.

The court’s power is complete, its authority absolute and its patience nonexistent.

Without this court, and the reverent respect paid there to, all of Chanceldom would sink into disharmonic chaos.

Why then, is there a queen and who serves as this Monarch?

The legend of the queen originates with the peasant soprano named Sue Wool-weaver. As with so many stories originating with the subject Sue Wool-weaver, the details and importance escapes the court.

The Chancel Queen serves for a term of one year and provides three important services to the choir:

First, she is a ceremonial symbolic monarch that supports, guides and enthralls her subject singers.

Secondly, she lives out her charge to provide symbolic leadership with specific instructions to do nothing to assist or change the course or fortune of the choir during her term.

And thirdly, she provides a useful and convenient subject to blame should the choir’s fortune turn negative during her reign. The importance of this third responsibility cannot be over emphasized.

Who then serves as the queen?

From time immoral, the spouse of the duly elected Chancel Choir president automatically ascends to the thrown – willingly or not.

Should the elected president be without a willing spouse, the court is empowered to fill the vacancy by conscription after careful review of candidates and their qualifications. This process sometimes works – but, as evident in previous years -- often fails.

Will those peasants who have served Chanceldom as queen please rise.

These are the fond leaders of failed monarchies. Now sit down.

Prepare yourselves to receive your Queen.

Call forth the queen.

Herald Shouts:
Call Forth The Queen.

Herald Plays The Fanfare and Processional through once.
(Queen regally walks to the front of the court and faces the crowd of subjects)

Chief Justice:
Oh, hello your Royal Majesty. We are so happy that you could join us. Yes, we are.

Before you, and about you, your Royal Majesty, are your subjects.

Now, shall all the queen’s subjects pay her tribute and honor her on this, her final day.

Your Majesty, this court is empowered to speak on behalf of your subjects. They now express their gratitude and humility for your unswerving leadership during your lofty reign.

Your subjects are grateful for your ambivalence.
Your subjects are grateful for your despondence.
Your subjects are grateful for your arrogance.

During your rule, they believe absolutely nothing was accomplished . . . and for that, your subjects are most thankful, your Royal Majesty.

For this mediocre monarchy, your people express their love and gratitude, your hein-ass.

However, Your Majesty, this disagrees with your subjects. This court believes you have contributed to the otherwise delinquent behavior of the peasants of Chanceldom by openly promoting dancing.

Indeed, during your reign dancing was introduced and encouraged during Chanceldom’s stately and elegant observance of Christmas.

It was reported to this Court that “the queen had happy feet.” Oh, Victoria where are you in our hour of need?

With no other reasonable explanation surfacing, it is the conclusion of this court that dancing has led to all manors of delinquency among the peasants.

You may now turn and face the court.
Bailiffs, prepare for the defrocking.

Your Majesty, you will now descend to your previous low status among your subjects. You will kneel before the court.

Remove the Royal Crown.
Remove the Royal Sceptor.
Remove the Royal Robe.

Will the once and former queen -- now again made a commoner -- arise and face the assembly.

Today, you have returned to the pathetic ranks of the simple gathered here before you.

No longer do you possess the vast powers and authority of the Queen of the Chancel Choir.

From this point forward, humility and blissful memory will be the rule of your day.

You will be assimilated as a peasant. Resistance will be fu-tile.

Now, get out!

Chief Justice Admonished The Crowd:
Order. Return to order.

The Royal Court of The Chancel now summons forth the commoner to be elevated to the high honor of queen of this monarchy.

Call yea, Joanne Desch-ooooooor.

Herald Shouts:
CALL YEA JOANNE DESCHOOOOOR.

Herald Plays Queen’s Fanfare through once.

Chief Justice:
The subject will now face the oral questioning. Is your name Joanne Desch-ooooooor?

A peasant from the crowd interrupts:
I don’t want her for Queen. Your honor! She can’t be queen.

Chief Justice:
Sir, you are out of order.

Peasant:
But your honor, you don’t understand. She’s not qualified to be queen.

Chief Justice:
Bring him before me.

[Royal Music Police bring peasant before the court.]

Peasant:
Your honor, may I approach the Court?

Peasant steps forward and whispers to the Chief Justice.
Chief Justice appears angry and begins to pace.

Chief Justice:
Return him to the peasants.

Joanne Desch-ooooooor, reveal to the court and these peasants here assembled your profession.

Jo Anne Descher:
I’m an attorney.

Chief Justice shouting:
Who would have an attorney as their queen?

Joanne Desch - ooooooor, this court is gravely concerned that an attorney is capable of carrying out the solemn responsibility of Queen of All Chanceldom.

From this court’s experience, it is our belief that an attorney would be unable to observe the primary dictum presented to the queen of Chanceldom. That an attorney would be powerless to be moot. That an attorney would be rendered impotent by silence. That an attorney would become terrified by the status quo.

Indeed it is with substantive reluctance that this court must proceed in its duty to install the spouse of the elected President and ruler of all Chanceldom – defective though she may be.

In this case, the court will employ a more thorough, restrictive, and binding oath and warn the subject that all answers must be truthful, as challenging as that might be.
Is that understood, Joanne Desch - ooooooor?

We will then start anew, with no additional interruption.

The subject will now face the oral questioning. Is your Joanne Desch - ooooooor?

Are you a member of the house of Desch-ooor?

Jo Ann Descher:
I am.

Chief Justice:
Are you the trailing spouse of Sir James Desch-ooor, the future ruler of all Chanceldom and domestic engineer of the Desch-oooor manor?

After much hesitation, Jo Ann Descher responds:
I am.

Chief Justice:
Then this court, under the conditions previously heretofore enumerated, finds you worthy and qualified. It now authorizes your ascension. You shall kneel.

The ascending Monarch shall now take the oath of office.

Repeat after me.

I, Joanne Desch-oooorr, do solemnly swear:

> that during my reign I will forsake all other offices of power,

> that I will uphold the pristine image of the Chancel Choir,

> that I will represent it well in all public ceremonies,

> that I will carry on in a manner befitting the dignified reputation of the Chancel Choir members and their president,

> that I will honor the will of its singers, would-be singers and alleged singers,

> that I will pay immediate deference to its all-powerful leadership,

> that I will do all in my power to discourage choir members from dancing,

> that I will suppress all urges of jurisprudence.

> that while seen in public in my role as Queen, I will refrain from uttering legal terms, including: affidavit, estoppel, deposition, et al, ex parte, fiduciary, in limine, interlocutory, ipso facto, mandamus, party of the first part, prenuptial, subpena and to wit, to wit.

> and, that I will accomplish absolutely nothing during my reign.

So help me Kevin.

The court will now invest you with the instruments, accessories and regalia of office.

Install the Royal Crown.
Install the Royal Sceptor.
Install the Royal Robe.

By the power in me vested as the Chief Justice and Exchequer of the Chancel, I set my hand and cause the Royal Baaa-Tone of the choir to touch upon your shoulders.

This court prays that your reign shall be free from the unrest of your predecessor.

To assure tranquillity, this court charges you to assume the additional role of Chancel Choir Role Model and challenges the subjects of all Chanceldom to look to Queen Jo Ann for guidance and leadership in all manors and questions of conduct.

While you have presented this court no reason to question your varasity, caution will rule your reign. We will call upon your sworn oath as an officer of other lessor courts.

Today the Court issues a Restraining Order preventing you from doing anything during your reign as Queen of All Chanceldom.

Serve the Royal Order.

Royal Music Police hands the order to the Queen.

To assure that all conditions and orders of this court are observed in perpetuity, the dreaded Royal Music Police will remain vigilant during your term.

In the name of Jonathan Griffin, John Rutter, and Robert Shaw, and in witness of the holy saints of music, I pronounce you to be the Queen of the Chancel Choir.

Arise!

Your Majesty, turn and face the peasants. Before you and about you are your subjects . . . well-meaning singers, all. From these pathetic ranks you have ascended and to these ranks you will soon return.

All rise for the queen.

Long live the queen.
Long live the queen.

Herald Plays Regally Queens Fanfare and Processional through once.